Schooled by a Sock

Don't Judge a Look 'til You Hover

I was just schooled by a
black sweat sock
lying in the middle of the road.
I was 100 percent certain it was a
tied-up doggie doo bag
until I was right up on it.

Sugar Free, Calorie Free, Substance Free

Trying to have a conversation
about diversity of thought
with an absolutist
is like
attempting to brainstorm
about throwing a beautiful dinner party --
appetizers, soups, salads, entrees, drinks and desserts --
with someone who is
solely interested
in serving Diet Coke all night.

Water Works

I basically have
two good weeks
a month.
The other two
are spent
tethered to
some form of
feminine sanitary
product or another.
The former
of the two weeks
is spent feeling
(and functioning)
like a leaky faucet
dripping rusty water --
which, at any moment,
has the potential
to burst into a
high pressure
water line rupture.
The latter is spent
trying to control
a situation akin
to a gushing
fire hydrant,
waddling around
with layers of
cotton wedged into
uncomfortable places,
and shaking my fist
at the great plumber
in the sky.

True haiku: Vision violation

parking violation:
car parked in the middle of the road;
driver peeing in the street

(dude in the waiting room)

dude in the waiting room
picking his nose and flicking
his findings onto the floor

Detail Orientation

My mind is like
a vacuum cleaner,
sucking up
a million, minute details,
like particles of
dust, dirt and fiber.
The bits of material
spin around, colliding
into each other
in a volume
so dense and
at a rate so rapid
that they cause
my brain to buzz
like a tornado --
claiming, collecting and
wildly whirling
pieces and parcels
in a violent, possessive fury.
While my non-detail-
oriented neighbor
may have a peaceful, half-
empty vacuum cleaner bag --
with room for more matter --
mine is filled to capacity
and humming with heat.

(After the funeral)

After the funeral
I searched my inbox
for any messages I still had from her.

(Live well and love well.)

Live well and love well.
For today is all we have,
so far as we can tell.

Setting the Record Straight, Practically Speaking

Straight women who dress
comfortably and practically
don't dress
comfortably and practically
because they have
"let themselves go"
or because they have
"given up on men."
Straight women who dress
comfortably and practically
dress comfortably and practically
because they want to be
comfortable and practical.

Gay women who dress
comfortably and practically
don't dress
comfortably and practically
because they
"don't want to be women"
or because they
"want to be men."
Gay women who dress
comfortably and practically
dress comfortably and practically
because they want to be
comfortable and practical.

My Bologna Has a Third Name

Bologna comes in
several, different flavors --
political and religious,
to name two.

Some families
eat a lot more
bologna than others.

While certain folks
raise their kids
on bologna,
others learn what
bologna is made of
and start eating
real meat --
or, better yet,
vegetables.

The Definition of Insanity Turned on Its Head

If we were all born
with different genetics --
different hair
textures, hues and thicknesses,
different eye
colors, shapes and sizes,
different nose,
breast and chest guises,
different skin tones,
and cheek bones
and ear lobes,
different lips and hips and dips,
different metabolisms,
heights and body types --
why do we,
in all our glorious variety,
seek to shed our delicious diversity
in order to adhere to
one "standard" of beauty or identity?

Uncomfortable With Life

A Preference for Plastic Pleasure

There is a growing contingent
of people these days
who seem to be
uncomfortable with life.
Not uncomfortable
due to the ugly, painful
realities of life --
breakups, cancer, crime --
uncomfortable with the
beautiful, pain free
moments of life.
Uncomfortable having an
old-fashioned, face-to-face
conversation with a good friend
without fiddling with
their BlackBerry.
Uncomfortable taking a walk
without monitoring their
Smartphone for the latest
Amazon deal.
Rather than witnessing
a gorgeous sunset with the family,
they are the folks
sitting on the porch swing
surrounded by their loved ones,
but focusing on their iPhones,
playing Words With Friends
without speaking a single
syllable to their own flesh and blood.

I Am Abuzz

I feel as if
the windows to the world
have been thrown open, like
french doors flung wide
to reveal before me
oceans once unseen
countless hills of green
and a slate scrubbed clean.

Universe or Bust

I feel like
there are a million
helium balloons
inside of me
waiting to be released
into the world --
stories and statements,
ideas and innovations,
poems and proclamations.
They bounce against
the ceiling of my
heart and mind,
each bulging, beckoning and begging
to be next in line
to launch into legacy;
my life's legendry.

(such a young woman)

such a young woman
wearing such an old fragrance

Cryptic Residents

On bad days,
apartment living
can feel like life
in a mausoleum.
Sandwiched in between
crumby people,
you're stuck in a
slot above and
below folks that
you don't know.
Some days stink
more than others.
Some days you have
grave concerns
about your neighbors.
Other days, you're
dead wrong about them.
Every so often you
may be scared stiff.
Occasionally, you can
rest in peace,
knowing that
the days will pass
without too much
heartache.

(trailing the attorney)

trailing the attorney
choking on the perfume
I wore in high school

Seasonal Criminals

There's something about
summertime sandals --

they're too much

to handle

when it comes to

the stench that

sweaty feet and

leather create.

My nostrils don't

celebrate or salivate about

the smell that emanates

from the partnership

that perpetrates

heinous crimes
against olfactory.

To Serve and Observe

The life of a security guard
must be fascinating --
becoming intimately
acquainted with
everyone's comings

and goings,

learning who loves
to race the sun
to work every morning
and who tends to
push the snooze button
seven times too many,
who runs out for an
afternoon soy latte
every day or a "secret"
rendezvous with

Veronica or Vinny.

Some may say that
your security guard
knows you better
than you know yourself.
Rather than your own
self-justified, rose-colored
glasses, he only sees you
through the clear lens
of the revolving door.

(What do tomatoes)

What do tomatoes

and kindergartners have in

common? Cut and paste.