Today Is Our One-Year Divorceaversary

Is your life

as good

now 

as you hoped

it would be?

And Yet

You broke my heart,

abandoned me,

and ended our family

and yet

I still miss you.

You Chose

You were my best friend

and partner for 16 years.

We made vows,

and built a life and

a family together.

And yet, you chose

to end our marriage,

leaving me no choice 

at all.

Not Alone in My Aloneness

As essayist and American culture critic

Gerald Early said in Ken Burns'

documentary Jazz, 

"No matter how much you yearn for

community and yearn for community,

in the end there is this loneliness

and there's no way you can escape it."

No matter how much I yearn

for community and work to foster community,

in the end, it appears that my lot

in life is loneliness

and there's no way I can escape it.

Facebook from Another Perspective

I remember when I used to check

my Facebook page and you were

in our bedroom while I was in the office,

just a room away

in our house.

I remember when you were

my best friend, partner and spouse.

Now, you are merely a little circle

on my Facebook page,

living clear across the country,

in someone else's house.

Missing My Other Half

Even though I know

that you live halfway

across the country now,

I can't help but look inside

every dark red CR-V in town

to see if you

are driving it.

I know, intellectually,

that it can't be you

but, emotionally,

somehow, I hope it's you

every time.

I can't help myself.

Somewhere

in the recesses of my mind,

I'm looking for

my other half.

I'm looking 

for you.

You’re not Here

The daffodils still bloom

in the backyard,

but you're not here.

The lights that you installed

under the kitchen cabinets

are still working well,

but you're not here.

I still wake up every morning

in our bed,

but you're not here.

Death by Divorce

I was widowed at 47

not by death

but by divorce,

which is a death

all its own.

(At some point,)

At some point,

I was deemed worthy of

abandonment.

(Your fingerprints are)

Your fingerprints are

still all over the house and

all over my heart.

(Little by little)

Little by little

every day, I let go of

you a little more.

(It still hurts to see)

It sill hurts to see

your Sure Jell and Lemon Pure

Paste in the pantry.