Glitter Girl

for Lindsay

She has magic
in her fingertips
and glitter
on her lips,
creating communities of
catalog clippings and
magazine men
on canvas and foam board
with rubber cement
and the sparkle
in her eyes.
Paper strangers
become neighbors
with the shape of her hands,
as she carefully selects
her sticky society,
giving the two-dimensional
souls the chance
to connect
with us.
They speak
with their eyes,
causing us to pause,
reflect and wonder,
and remind us
that glue
is thicker
than blood.

(welcome scent on a)

welcome scent on a 

crisp, cold winter walk downtown:

warm, savory foods

 

What Happened to My Marriage

It was as if

we were on a mountain top --

beautiful view, serene scene,

solid footing --

and then,

all of the sudden,

your new best friend

showed up

and the two of you

parachuted off

the mountain together,

leaving me utterly alone.

The moment you left the mountain,

an earthquake erupted,

causing the ground to

disappear from under me.

Ever since, I've been clinging

to a tree root on the side of the mountain;

trying not to die.

The Kitchen

I'm standing in the kitchen;

what was our kitchen.

You had a baking nook

in our kitchen,

a nook in which you prepared

homemade pizza and

gourmet cheesecake.

We shredded the mozzarella

by hand, always saving a 

little bit for our puppy dog,

so you could pour a pile

onto the floor for her to enjoy --

the same floor on which

we would occasionally drop

ice cubes, which she would

promptly grab in her mouth

and relocate to the living room

rug to chomp on.

Now the kitchen is quiet.

There is no more

homemade cheesecake

or cheese on the floor

or a doggie to eat it.

There is no more you.

There is no more Us.

Teeming with Loneliness

I miss being a team,

a feeling you don't understand,

because you teamed up

with someone else

well before our divorce

was final.

Caught Flat-Footed

I was all in.

You were the only one

on my dance card.

But it often felt like

you had one foot in

and one foot out.

 

Twelve years into our marriage,

you started playing footsie

with someone else,

followed by the hokey pokey.

Before I knew it,

you put your whole self in

with your new best friend.

You always were

a dancer at heart.

I just assumed that

you would always be my partner.

Timing

It's been nearly nine months

since you told me that you

weren't in love with me

and considered our marriage

to be over,

nearly three months since you

moved out of our house, and

nearly two months since

the divorce was final.

I still think about you

all day, every day.

Even after all the damage

you have done, I'm still

in love with you.

And I loathe you

for destroying our family.

Housebroken

It's heartbreaking

to live in our house

without you.

Every Little Thing

I miss all of our

everyday traditions --

calling baked potatoes "tates,"

enjoying

"Whoppers on the Waterfront,"

and taking family trips

in the car -- just us and the pooch.

I miss seeing you bounce

and bee bop on the couch

to music just for fun.

I miss our inside jokes,

our daily family routines,

and our 16-year history,

a history that made me feel

safe and grounded and wanted.

I miss everything.

I miss you.

I miss Us.

A Penny for Your Thoughts

Every time I trim my fingernails,

I think of our precious puppy dog

who would drop everything

and sprint into the bathroom

when she heard me trimming my nails.

I'm not exactly sure what she was

hoping to do, but she wanted to be

as close to the action as possible.

Doggone, do I miss her...

Different Philosophies on Giving

I gave you the best years of my life --

31 through 47 --

and then you gave me the heave-ho.

Another Goodbye

I remember how ecstatic

our beloved doggie got

when she heard me

refilling her food storage container.

She would race down the stairs

as fast as caninely possible

to be as close to the food

as she possibly could,

hoping that I might spill a few

kibbles, or pour a pile

on the floor for an impromptu snack. 

Tomorrow, I will take the container

to Goodwill, as she is no longer here,

in what was our house.

From 100 to 0

How do you stop

loving someone?

How do you go from

talking with someone

every day, sharing every day

with them, and operating as a team

100% of the time

to

zero, nothing, nada, zilch?

One

You had so many names

during our 16 years together --

One, Bahboo, Baby, BB, Honey,

Babe, Sweet Feet, One Two,

Lover, Baby One, B1, Bee Bop...

Now, you only have one name:

Ex.

Haunted House

I'm haunted by the

ghosts of my former spouse and

precious puppy pie.

A Figment Among the Footage

Now, you seem like

a phantom,

a fragment,

a figment

of my imagination.

But, I have 16 years of

photos and footage and

an entire house of

evidence and artifacts

documenting that

we were,

in fact,

a "we."

Happy Halloween

I'm sitting in a rented cabin

in Saugatuck, Michigan,

thinking of you

in Dallas, Texas; wondering

if you are thinking of me.

Inside Out

Why can't I dig you

out of my heart

like a cantaloupe's seeds

so that I can rid myself

of the pain and the memories

and the utter devastation,

and move on to 

enjoy the sweet fruit of life?

Fire and Ice

Everything hurts.

Every second I see

something you bought,

we bought, together,

my heart burns.

Even the frozen fruit

you bought for us

and left behind

in the freezer

kindles the fire in my chest.

What Good Is It to Keep Me Alive at the Beginning Only to Kill Me at the End?

You told me that

we kept each other alive

during our first

few years together --

during the years that

we lost everything

and everyone.

But, 16 years later,

you walked out on me

and left me to die

in our big house alone --

the house that you picked out,

the house that you outfitted

with the things that you wanted,

the house that has your fingerprints

all over it.

So, I am left here to die alone,

surrounded by every reminder of you

and the fact that you left me here.