(startled by two birds)

startled by two birds
that jetted out of a newspaper box
just before I walked by

Schooled by a Sock

Don't Judge a Look 'til You Hover

I was just schooled by a
black sweat sock
lying in the middle of the road.
I was 100 percent certain it was a
tied-up doggie doo bag
until I was right up on it.

(My spouse fills our house)

My spouse fills our house
with the scents and sounds of home --
homemade sourdough bread and Tina Turner tunes.

(the three fragrances)

the three fragrances
of the neighborhood: Downy,
lawn mowers and grills

(Two squirrels and two robins)

Two squirrels and two robins
scampered away through the trees
like Noah's ark escapees.

Grade School Glories

for Ashley and Lindsay

We did it to
amuse ourselves
during the ride to
my community
softball games.
My little sisters
and I played producers,
creating makeshift
movie stars out of our
afternoon snacks.
We tore our thinly
sliced lunchmeat
into strips and gave
them each a name,
as we cast our own
mini musicals,
starring Miss Piggy,
Mr. Angus and
Mrs. Gobblet.
Somehow the
dancing pieces of
ham, beef and turkey
kept our attention
until we reached the
ball diamond, where
I would trade my
sandwich meat
for a glove.

(Two bonny bluebirds)

Two bonny bluebirds
ushered me across the bridge,
one bird on each side.

The Courtesy Flush

It's a simple solution
to a terrible problem.
Once the baby ruth
has been delivered,
send that puppy home.
Why some folks
refuse to flush their
refuse and spare
the rest of us
their putrid fumes,
I have no clue.
I submit that public
restrooms must be
outfitted with gas
masks to counteract
the air quality offenses.
To such offenders, I
have only one plea:
Don't let your poo
stew under you.

Passing Gas at Ponderosa

My little sisters and I were
eyeing the bountiful buffet
when it happened.
I tucked my head under the
overhead glass to get
closer to the cantaloupe
and grabbed a slice
with the plastic tongs.
Attempting to back up
and place the fruit
on my plate, I
bonked the back of
my noggin on the glass,
dropped the orange
melon on the floor
and cut the cheese,
all in the same instant.
Humiliated in my
preadolescent state,
I tried to slink back
to the table and
join our grandparents
unnoticed, despite
the unexpected
backside blast, as my
baby sister yelped:
"WAS THAT YOU?"

Work Out Your “Bowelvation” With Rear End Trembling

There are few things
more satisfying
than a good poop.
Not the poop itself,
of course, but
the act of
eliminating
the dogged doodie.
After a good dump,
all seems right
with the world
(or at least
with your bowels).
You can breathe
deep again
and leave the can
with your shoulders back,
ready to take on
the next meeting,
class or diaper,
knowing that,
in the end,
things have a way of
working out.

Common Round (Rumpster Dumpsters "R" Us)

Taking a dump is a noisy occupation.
One cannot poop with dignity or decorum.
Your Ph.D., LL.D., M.A. or B.A.
amounts to a pile of B.S. when it comes to BMs.
On the throne, we are all the same –
all princes, all paupers, all poopers.
Sure, our performances may differ –
some may grunt, moan, sigh or groan –
but the delivery is the same.
And it's not pretty.
There's nothing cute
about dropping a load.
There's nothing suave
about pinching a loaf.
There's nothing dapper about the crapper.
But we've got to doo what we've got to doo.
On the john or on the loo, we are all average Joes
and Jane Does and that's just the way it goes.

Reverse Vampires

Some people who live alone
act like reverse vampires.
They suck the bloody life
out of their co-workers by day --
demanding and commanding the attention of their colleagues,
holding court by holding folks hostage,
unloading their every thought and question and concern on people
like a dump truck possessed of the devil --
and retreat to their solitary homes alone at night,
lying in wait for the sun to come up again
and provide them with fresh blood
to live another day.

(real love: standing in)

real love: standing in
the bathroom while your partner
poops, just to catch up

Spice by the Spoonfuls

The Hungarian mushroom
soup I had at lunch
today reminded me of
Till Midnight, the
tiny cafe across
the street from
my alma mater.
I went there
once or twice as
a student, unable
to afford more
than soup, dessert
and the spicy jazz fusion
piping through the speakers.

Without a Honk

There were four
of them -- four
graceful geese
gliding over 65
North as the four-
lane interstate
backed up
farther and farther
south. In the midst
of the two-accident
Tuesday morning
turmoil, just as I
began to grip my
steering wheel
in frustration, I
saw the quartet
breezing over
all four lanes
of traffic without
a honk of their own --
so soft, so peaceful,
so content; so intent.
I watched them
split into two pairs
and continue on their
January journey,
as I adjusted my
hands and then
my attitude, without
a honk of my own.

(finishing the last)

finishing the last
glass of eggnog with the last
dear book of the year

Christmas Time

Spices and glitter mix and mingle
with cozy, jolly food and folks
as carols and choruses jingle
in rooms full of stories and jokes.

(sampling of the city)

sampling of the city:
snaking post office line
10 days before Christmas

Thanksgiving Traffic

Three miles in an
hour and a half --
bumper-to-bumper
interstate congestion and
stomach indigestion,
angry drivers with
hungry kids, no
exit in sight, and
no explanation.
Arrivals delayed;
hugs and hand-
shakes on hold;
dinners postponed.
It was easy to get
irritated and impatient,
until we saw
the white sheet
on the ground.
Suddenly, we were
thankful for the
fume-filled air that
we were breathing.

(Red, gold, brown, green and)

Red, gold, brown, green and
orange leaves form mosaics
on neighborhood lawns.