(Diarrhea)

Diarrhea:
An ugly word to spell;
an even uglier one to expel.

Weeping Over Spilled Wee-Wee

Apparently, one of my co-workers
got into a pissing contest with herself in the bathroom stall
and lost.

If only she had mopped the floor with herself.

Don’t Sh!t on My Black Suede Shoes

Apparently, one of my co-workers
erupted in the bathroom stall,
her brown lava flowing freely
to the floor in the ladies room,
lying in wait to defile
the soles of my brand new
black suede slip-on pro Vans.

Gross Encounters of the Terd Kind

How does a grown woman
get poop on the outside of the toilet bowl
and smear her own feces on the washroom floor at work
and leave it?

(A splash of water)

A splash of water
does not a clean hand make, dear
lady of the john.

(Bumped from the bustling break room)

Bumped from the bustling break room / and relegated to the restroom, I wash my coffee mug in the bathroom sink / as my co-worker soils her toilet bowl.

(A grown woman missed)

A grown woman missed
the toilet at work, pissed on
the floor and left it.

(The courtesy flush)

The courtesy flush
acts as an air savior with
bidet behavior.

(Just as my fart makes)

Just as my fart makes
its way out, my co-worker
makes her way in to the restroom.

(bracing myself for the smell)

bracing myself for the smell
that will, no doubt, result from the sound
I just heard from the stall next door

(Top executive reportedly)

Top executive reportedly
sits on corporate toilet for 45 minutes every day
playing Tetris

Foul Danglage

There's nothing like
being trapped in a public bathroom,
forced to inhale someone else's
pre-fecal farts and foul finale.

(“Gee, thanks,” I thought,)

"Gee, thanks," I thought,
as she escaped her own stench
and left me in the john, barely breathing.

1 conversation at work = 2 haiku pieces

$50 bill

floating in the toilet bowl.

Who will free Billy?

~~~~~(These are waves.)~~~~~

$50 bill

in the loo.  Rear admiral

to the rescue!  Phew!

Which one floats your boat?

(Just like clockwork, her)

Just like clockwork, her
post-lunch sewage dump fills the
ladies' room with stench.

(Two of us in the)

Two of us in the
bathroom: One is grunting and
one is disgruntled.

(She doesn't know that)

She doesn't know that
I write haiku about her
bathroom behavior.

Haiku Help

Which version do you prefer?

1
lady who rocked the
elephant fart burst out of
her stall like a bull

2
lady who rocked the
elephant fart shot out of
her stall like a mouse

Droppings

I really hope
that the woman who used
the bathroom before me
was eating (and dropping)
chocolate
in the stall...

(real love: standing in)

real love: standing in
the bathroom while your partner
poops, just to catch up