Somewhere in Between Self-Loathing and Narcissism

If you're self-loathing,

there's a deficiency

in your ability

to value yourself --

much less anyone else --

which renders you

incapable

of truly loving others.

If you're a narcissist,

you value yourself to an

unhealthy degree,

leaving no room in your

mental or emotional bank

for others,

rendering you

incapable

of truly loving anyone else.

The goal

is to live and love

somewhere in between.

Missing My Other Half

Even though I know

that you live halfway

across the country now,

I can't help but look inside

every dark red CR-V in town

to see if you

are driving it.

I know, intellectually,

that it can't be you

but, emotionally,

somehow, I hope it's you

every time.

I can't help myself.

Somewhere

in the recesses of my mind,

I'm looking for

my other half.

I'm looking 

for you.

You’re not Here

The daffodils still bloom

in the backyard,

but you're not here.

The lights that you installed

under the kitchen cabinets

are still working well,

but you're not here.

I still wake up every morning

in our bed,

but you're not here.

Death by Divorce

I was widowed at 47

not by death

but by divorce,

which is a death

all its own.

(At some point,)

At some point,

I was deemed worthy of

abandonment.