Bathroom Poems: Great gag gift on sale now!

Looking for a unique, affordable gift?  How about a gag gift or lowbrow literature that will bring you to rears...I mean tears?  My latest poetry chapbook, Bathroom Poems, is available now!  The collection of crappy poems about bathroom business promises to make a splash at any family holiday gathering.  Folks in the Greater Nashville Area can pick up their copy at East Side Story or Landmark Booksellers, while out-of-towners can place their orders directly through me.  Sneak a peek at Bathroom Poems, as well as all of my poetry books here!  Contact me at hall_amy_e@hotmail.com to place your order or to request more info.  This year, give a gift guaranteed to make them guffaw.  Bathroom Poems...it's a gas!

Thanksgiving Traffic

Three miles in an
hour and a half --
bumper-to-bumper
interstate congestion and
stomach indigestion,
angry drivers with
hungry kids, no
exit in sight, and
no explanation.
Arrivals delayed;
hugs and hand-
shakes on hold;
dinners postponed.
It was easy to get
irritated and impatient,
until we saw
the white sheet
on the ground.
Suddenly, we were
thankful for the
fume-filled air that
we were breathing.

Sunflowers and Birch Trees (Let It Be)

Just as there is
a myriad of
flower varieties
on the earth and
a host of tree species
in the world,
there are countless
types of women
on the earth and
innumerable sorts of men
in the world.
"Flowers" are not
confined to "lilies"
and trees are not all oaks.
The earth is a beautiful space,
thanks to the
vast array
of flowers and trees
on display.
A world which awakens
to the full spectrum
of femininity and masculinity
is a glorious place.

(Proof that you’re having a bad day at work:)

Proof that you're having a bad day at work:
You look forward to
your doctor's appointment that afternoon.

(the leaves mimicking)

the leaves mimicking
the sound of raindrops in the
wooded autumn hills

Once

What do you do
when you spend
YOUR WHOLE LIFE
trying to
please your father,
make your mother proud,
be a supportive, protective, generous sibling,
serve as a kind, loving, thoughtful grandchild,
operate as a steadfast, reliable, dependable friend,
achieve the status of "gold standard" as a
model citizen, good person, shining star, and friend to all,
put everyone ELSE before yourself,
do unto others as you would have them do unto you,
and FORSAKE YOURSELF
in order to make everyone ELSE
feel good about you,

but you're still not "good enough"?

What do you do when you've given
YOUR WHOLE LIFE
over to other people to
critique, disapprove, discount,
gossip, slander, discriminate, and

DECIMATE

but, like vampires, they are never satisfied?

Your blood sacrifice is never enough.

What if -- after nearly 40 years of sacrificing
YOUR LIFE on the altar of THEIR approval (or lack thereof) --
you decide to remove yourself from their altar,
WALK AWAY
and begin to learn how to live
the life that was given to YOU
to live
once?

(cat in a frenzy:)

cat in a frenzy:
from the window --
watching falling leaves

(eyes widen:)

eyes widen:
brilliant, cranberry-
orange-colored foliage